So how can the local church help comfort and heal those who are hiding, covered in their shame?
First, we need to be communities where the gospel is preached. Not just from the pulpit, but in our small groups and mentoring relationships, around the dinner table, and over coffee. And that gospel must address our shame. Jesus not only justifies us; He also washes us clean and clothes us in His righteousness. This is hinted at in God’s clothing of Adam and Eve (Gen. 3:21), but it’s fulfilled in Christ, in whom we’ve been arrayed “with the robe of righteousness” (Isa. 61:10). The message of the gospel is not less than forgiveness; it is more. Christ removes our shame and gives us His righteousness.
Second, we need to model accepting each other in Christ. Healing shame doesn’t require public disclosure on a Sunday morning, but it does entail revealing our shame to people who will bear our pain with us in love. “If one member suffers, all suffer together” (1 Cor. 12:26). When we come out of hiding and discover that others don’t reject us, we begin to believe that God in Christ doesn’t reject us either.
Third, unlike the world’s response, our response to shame isn’t to become brazen. The ashamed need to repent. But to do so, they need help distinguishing the causes of their shame. Shame is complex and distorting. We blame ourselves for what others did to us, and excuse ourselves for how we responded. This is “worldly sorrow that leads to death” (2 Cor. 7:10–11). Hope for the ashamed is found as responsibility is placed where it belongs, and that will often require the clear-eyed perspective of others. As we help people see the difference between their own sin and others’ sin against them, godly sorrow and repentance can begin their gracious work in us.
Finally, our churches should be places where shame is redeemed rather than denied. In 1 Corinthians 6:9–10, Paul gives a list of shameful sins that believers should not tolerate in themselves. But then he goes on to declare in v. 11, “And such were some of you.” The ashamed look around at church and don’t see anyone like them. But through public testimonies, transparent relationships, caring small groups, and even wise sermon illustrations, the ashamed discover that they are in the company of redeemed sinners. When that happens, hope is conveyed that Paul’s next sentence could be true of them as well. “But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
Michael Lawrence