What is the greatest grief of a parent? Many say the death of a child die. As a loving parent I can imagine the heartbreak of that grief and loss.“There’s no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to the way they were.” (Dwight Eisenhower) Or this anonymous quote, “My child died. I don’t need advice. All I need is for you to gently close your mouth, open wide your heart and walk with me until I can see in color again.” Perhaps a close second to this great grief is daily watching a child flounder in unbelief.

Children who reject God can can spawn agonizing questions for parents. ‘Did I do something wrong as a parent? How could God allow this to happen?’  There is something here of the raw emotional pain that we see in Psalm 38:10, ‘My heart throbs; my strength fails me, and the light of my eyes—it also has gone from me.’

I am not a survivalist but I read about the Rule of 3 for survival. ‘You can survive 3 weeks without food, 3 days without water, and 3 minutes without oxygen … but you won’t make it 3 seconds without hope.’  Without hope, all is lost. If you believe things are hopeless, they most likely are.

Where do you find hope when those dearest on earth are living in rebellion against the God of grace?  Many search for hope in their lost loved ones.  They scrutinize their every action looking for some slight sign of hope.  They are looking in the wrong place.  The character of God is the ground of hope.

Ezekiel 33:11, “As I live, declares the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live; turn back, turn back from your evil ways, for why will you die, O house of Israel?” 1 Timothy 2:3-4, “God our Savior … desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.” 2 Peter 3:9, “The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.”

God is in the business of seeking and saving the lost. He bled and died to redeem them! He has found millions, even billions of fallen sons and daughters of Adam! He saves hopeless sinners everyday! There is always hope – hope in the character of God and in the certainty and power of His Word!  

God, for our greater assurance and comfort, has entered into a covenant with us and with our children.  God set aside the children of Abraham from the world to be His very own.  They are covenant children and they belong to the believing community. “In baptism, parents link the spiritual livelihood of their child to the spiritual life of the church. They promise to intertwine their family’s life of faith with the life of the church so that they and the child will hear wise counsel from others (including more experienced parents), encounter the reality of God’s presence in worship, and learn from the example of mature saints how God’s grace forms the beauty of the soul in both good and difficult circumstances. . . . as the church repeats its own testimony year after year, the whole body of Christ learns of its obligation and power to influence the eternity of her children.” (Bryan Chapell)  

The Covenant hope is that God works his salvation along family lines. He is the God of our Children.  In fact, the Canons of Dort, Section 1, Article 17 could state on the basis of God’s covenant that, “godly parents ought not to doubt the election and salvation of their children whom God calls out of this life in infancy.”

So, what should we do if our children to not currently believe?  

Pray.  Salvation is God’s work. Only he can do it.  And He does! Ask him to save your children. 

Don’t blame yourself. You are not the Holy Spirit. Confess your failures as a parent but entrust your children to the perfect Father. Do not wallow in self-pity. Live in the joy of the Lord.  The best thing that you can do for unbelieving family and friends is grow in godliness yourself.

Love your children. Praise what you can. Serve them when you are able. Be yourself around them. Let them see the love, mercy, and grace of God in you and the way that you live with them. Don’t always ‘witness’ to them and don’t force feed your views on life or the gospel.  It is God’s work.  If they know the gospel, it is enough that they see its effect in you. Wait for the opportune moment – the teachable moments. They will certainly arrive if you wait for them.

Ask others to pray for them.  When God works, he often starts with stirring up prayer among the people of God.

Where God is, there is hope. Not in signs of possible change in unbelievers, nor in your punching all the right spiritual buttons, but rather in the God of hope. “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13

We don’t think much about the words that we speak.  And that is a big problem. “The tongue is set among our members…setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell.” “It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” An unbridled tongue, it seems, is worst than a stampede of wild horses. “No human being can tame the tongue” (James 3:6,8). So much for the tongue lashing from James. We do need to think more carefully, biblically, about our words.

Thoughtless words can deeply wound. That is no surprise. Weaponizing speech is so easy.  Just speak your mind.  Say what you really think. Be frank.  It seems so justified and even righteous.  I have seen many draw blood with their biting words of ‘truth.’  But the Scriptures call us to a higher standard in our speaking.

Ephesians 4:29 instructs, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”  Corrupt talk is foul or rotten; like spoiled fruit or rotten meat.  Listening to some people speak can make you sick! Our words should be good, appropriate, and intended to build up.  We can minister grace with our words! Our words can wound or they can heal. Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”  Salt flavors and prevent corruption – so should our speech.  Always gracious.  Do you know such angels? I just love to talk to those people. They minister grace and healing with kind words. They speak health into our souls.  What a gift.  Be that angel! Be that gift to others!

Proverbs 18:21 shares her wisdom with us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”  We promote life or death with the words that we speak.  I have noticed that the more I speak harsh, cruel, bitter, and angry words, the darker and more corrupt my heart becomes and the greater distance others keep from me.  Yet, the more wholesome, grace dealing, thoughtful and kind, my speech becomes, the more smiles I see.  In many ways, our speech creates our environment. “For Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit” (1 Peter 3:10), and “A gentle tongue is a tree of life” Proverbs 15:4.  Think before you speak. Filter your words through the high standard set by the Word of God.  If you do, you will bring a little of heaven down to earth.

Something is not right with me. I know it. Yet when others tell me where I am failing I still attack them. I even defend my wrong. I blame others for my situation. I shelter my diseased heart and cherish my sin.  Why do we do that? Well, we are fallen. Change is hard. We are fighting against our very nature. So then, how can we overcome our sin?

I want to change but I don’t know how.  I make resolutions but they are simply a bridge too far, they become the road not taken. My resolutions are often a dead end street.  I fail. Continually. Guilt and shame multiply with every defeat. The only path to peace, it seems, the way to reach some level of comfort, is to stop trying to change.  I grow comfortable right where I am. So, how can I change my failing resolutions into victorious resolve?  Stop fighting alone!

When God gave his people his law, his perfect law, that we are to obey, what were his very first words?  “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery” (Exodus 20:2). God declares deliverance and victory before he gives the law! To change your nature you must start with God and embrace his steadfast, covenant love.  He has already delivered you! So, put on the armor of God and be who you already are!

Augustine prayed to God,“Command what you will and grant what you command.” Demand away, but give us the strength to obey. God’s grace enables God’s people to fulfill God’s commands. Fallen man is unable to self-generate self-control nor embrace the transforming love of God on their own. It is grace that empowers obedience.

Look at Philippians 2:1-4. “So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”  The encouragement and comfort of Christ is required to selflessly slay the dragons of sin.

Or take Titus 2:11-14, “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say “No” to all ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope–the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.” The grace of God empowers us to say no to ourselves and yes to God. The love of God makes us willing, eager, and able to overcome our sins.

You cannot slay sin on your own. 

Resolutions are pointless. God given resolve cannot fail. Stop fighting on your own. Receive the victory of Jesus.

“What can I do to fill the empty pews at church? I have no idea; but someone should do something! Church growth is for the experts, right? We need the Madison Avenue crowd’s advice to grow the church. I can’t do anything to grow the church, can I?” Yes you can!

Pray – Church work is God’s work. God grows his church. He builds his own temple and beautifies his own bride. Ask God to grow the church. Every church member can, and should, pray that God would make and mature disciples here at Westminster.

Participate / Connect – Be a larger part of what the church is already doing. Come to Sunday School, Sunday Night prayer, and Wednesday Questions Dinner. Participate in the church community more than you do already. Do one more thing. Good things happen when Christians gather together. I knew a church that expected all their members to attend Sunday Morning Worship, Sunday Night, and Wednesday meetings. If they did not, they would put you under discipline. We won’t do that. Worship is commanded but not Sunday School and Prayer meetings. Your participation in addition to worship should be willing, eager, and enthusiastic. If it is not, your presence will not be a blessing to you or to others. Still, come. But lead with your heart. That makes the church attractive.

Grow Yourself – Be a mature disciple. Grow in the fear and knowledge of God. Think often and deeply of God. Commune with him on more than Sunday morning. Read good books. Listen to sermon. Walk with God. “A holy man is a mighty weapon in the hands of God.” (Robert Murray M’cheyne) You are a walking advertisement for what God is doing at Westminster. Let your light shine.

Invite Others – Statistically this is the foremost engine of church growth. “Someone invited me.” Invite them to worship, to church events, and into your home. Have your lives overlap in simple things. Do them a solid. Invest in the relationship and then include them in what you are doing – walking in friendship with God!

Use Your Gifts – Serve. Many hands make light work; but they also do more work. Volunteer on a Ministry Team. Be an usher. Mow the church lawn. Share a meal. The talents that God has given you belong to the church. When the church is firing on all cylinders that car moves just fine.

Fellowship – Don’t simply hang out. Talk about more than football and politics. If you never talk about your best friend, what he is doing, why you like him, what your fellowship is like and how it helps you; is He really your best friend? Love one another in the church. Invest in others; in normal, everyday things. Bring a meal, send a card, give a chainsaw to your brother. Be the church and the church will grow.

Give – What you give to and sacrifice for you eagerly desire to succeed. If you invest money you regularly check your mutual funds and property. “But I do give to the church!” Yes, but do you invest in the church. Do your heart and hands follow the money? Give of your time, talents, and treasures to kingdom work and the church will grow.

Pray – Did I mention that already? Why list it again? I want you to pray more than once. So, pray. Pray like you mean it; like you expect it to happen! Growing the church is God’s work. He includes us in his work, but it is his labor. We have not because we ask not. Ask God to grow the church. And be the answer to your own prayers.

Albert Camus in his one act play No Exit famously said that ‘Hell is other people.’  Forever bound to other fallen people who all want to be in control and therefore ignite perpetual conflict is mental torture. So, other people can seem like hell. Perhaps. But hell is also loneliness. Having no vital connection with anyone, being all alone in a dark and fright-filled world can be excruciating.  We, as God’s image bearers, are made for communion with other image bearers.  We are to know others and be known by them.  To be in fellowship with each other. We  hunger for deep, intimate, interpersonal relationship with others.

Speech connects us to other people. Words convey our heart and mind  Verbal communication can minister to others. It can help them to understand themselves and to navigate through their journey.  Journey where?  Their journey back to God.

We are all lost and trying to do the best that we can, In our fallen world.  We are all seeking directions with our temptations, weaknesses, brokenness without a map. We are empty and confused. As we flail amidst the great waves, we tend to drag other underneath the water with us. But, the gospel is a life jacket. It provides us the map, the solution. It leads us to Jesus in whom is life and that life is the light of men (John 1:4).

We can share the life jacket. So, other people can point to heaven! Knowing these people, those sanctified by the grace of God and living the heavenly life now, can be a taste of heaven. Our words should  minister grace to each other. “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths,  but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).

It is true that our words can carry the power of death, and often have. “The tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell” (James 3:6).” Words can be a scourge.  We are painfully aware of the lash of biting and hateful words.  It is hell!

But life is also in the power of the tongue.  Wise, compassionate, gracious words bring healing. “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Proverbs 16:24).  Can you think of a conversation that breathed life into your soul?

How do you use your words? Do that bring life, help, healing, grace – heaven? Or do they tend toward death?  To you build deep, lasting friendships with your words, or do you burn bridges?

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits” (Proverbs 18:21). He a slice of heaven to other people.

“(T)he Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18). We are made in the image and likeness of God and God exists in a community of persons. We are created for community and it is painful to be alone. Fred Rogers invited everyone to be his neighbor and his friend.

“It’s a beautiful day in this neighborhood

A beautiful day for a neighbor

Would you be mine? Could you be mine?

“Neighbors are people who are close to us

And friends are people who are close to our hearts

I like to think of you as my neighbor and my friend.”

Sin separates us from God but our rebellion also divides us from each other. Guilt and shame so control us that we cower behind relational barriers for self-protection. For we fear understandable rejection if we are truly known.  We build our walls and nurture our loneliness and feed our fear of being fully known and completely rejected. We often settle for mere acquaintances or virtual likes and painfully struggle to build true friendships. We can exist with mere casual kindness and therefore not risk being more fully known and rejected.

The grace based community that God builds draws us out from behind our lonely walls.  In true Christian fellowship we are known, warts and all, and still loved and accepted by grace. Knowing this divine, unmerited favor we gradually invest in true, grace-driven friendships We are rescued, nurtured, discipled, and befriended by grace in the church community.  But, that is where most of us stop. We enjoy friendship and acceptance within the church – our guilt, shame, and loneliness are healed, but we do not invite others to join us and to venture out from behind their walls of guilt and shame.

Church growth is really the expansion of the grace community. It is growing our fellowship by inviting neighbors and friends to enter in.

How can I invite friends and neighbor to my church community? First, have friends, and know your neighbors. Be friendly, help a neighbor, invite them to dinner. Get to know them. Allow them to get to know you. Start open-ended spiritual conversations. “I love my church; where do you worship?” “The grace and kindness of God has held me through so many trials.” “My pastor is the best. Isn’t it great to have pastor?” “Have you heard the good news?”

Invite them closer to you. Build trust. Offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Make plans to have your lives increasingly overlap. Deepen the friendship. Then, invite them to a church event – a fellowship meal, a questions dinner, a Bible study, a small group, a worship service, a prayer meeting. Talk them through it beforehand, hold their hand through it, and debrief with them afterward. Calm their fears. Answer their questions. Bear their burdens.  The closer they grow to you the more of Christ they should see in you. I call this the grace/friendship offensive of hospitality! It is simply the Great Commission in personal terms. Fred Rogers was right, it is a beautiful day for a neighbor.