I hated the dating scene. I once knew the unutterable anguish of considering the terrifying possibility of asking someone on a date. Will she reject me? Perhaps she will laugh? Will she break my heart? After the first few dates, while some of the initial painful questions are answered, other queries arise and the stakes are increased. Can this joy continue? What if she really knew me, the real me? Would she still like me, accept me? Is she the one? We tend to put our best foot forward and strive to be on our best behavior in a courting relationship. Establishing an intimate relationship with a potential spouse is a process of peeling away the lies, false pretenses, and half-truths, all the while trying to manage our expectations, calm our desires, and modify our dreams. Many prefer not to face their fears and so never enter the dating arena. Others can keep up a relational farce well into marriage and true intimacy is never really achieved.
We face some of the same obstacles when seeking to establish a deepening spiritual relationship with a brother or sister in Christ. We tend to have many spiritual acquaintances and few if any, real spiritual friends. Establishing spiritual intimacy confronts similar questions to building relational intimacy. Can I trust my brother with my weaknesses? If they knew the real me and my dark struggles, would they receive me with the sharp edge of the law or with the healing balm of the gospel? Can I trust this one with my heart? Can I step out from my false fronts and posturing? Can I take the mask off and reveal the real me, warts and all? It can be a terrifying thing to be completely honest with another Christian.
Many years into my Christian walk I sought a spiritual friend but was horrified that I might find one. I preferred to do my spiritual wrestling with old, dead theologians and not a real, live friend. Most prefer spiritual melee in the dark to fighting in the light. We are ashamed of our sins and prefer to deal with them quietly, in the dark, alone, rather than come into the light, remove the mask in public, and expose ourselves to possible rejection, condemnation, and ridicule.
But sin thrives and strengthens in the dark. We cannot overcome sin on our own. True, God’s help is required and it is enough. But God has given us our brothers and sisters in Christ as part of his help.
“If we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin” (1 John 1:7).
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working” (James 5:16).
Deepening fellowship in Christ requires that we are open and honest about our ongoing struggle with sin. One spur to sanctification is to bring the darkness of sin into the light of fellowship with a grace-wielding believer.
How should we receive a brother or sister who approaches us in honest brokenness and with deep wounds? We must meet them in their openness and honesty with the warm embrace of grace and truth, forgiveness and acceptance.
“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:1-2
“Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” Luke 17:3-4
“so you should rather turn to forgive and comfort him, or he may be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. So I beg you to reaffirm your love for him.” 2 Corinthians 2:7-8
We must receive our struggling but still confessing and repenting brothers and sisters as Christ has received us, in gospel love.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
I hated the dating scene but I love the marriage. Building true, spiritual friendships are worth the risk.
“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” Proverbs 18:24.
“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another” Proverbs 27:17
So, find a friend. Develop a deepening spiritual friendship. Be honest, be gracious. Let us fight sin, and overcome it, together.