Mark Scholten

Is it Wrong to Have Sex Before Marriage?

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Not long ago, an American politician found herself in an awkward situation when she mentioned at a prayer breakfast that she was running late for the event because her fiancé wanted to have sex that morning. From her public admission, it was clear that the woman and her fiancé were living together and were in a sexual relationship. What was also clear is that the woman—a professing Christian at an evangelical church (with her pastor in the audience)—didn’t realize she had said or done anything wrong. She mentioned her reason for being late with a smile and with a chuckling assurance to her fiancé that she would see him in the evening and that he wouldn’t have to wait long for his desires to be fulfilled. Later, after getting flack for her risqué remarks, the congresswoman explained that she goes to church because she is a sinner, not because she is a saint.

I mention this story not to draw attention to this particular event or to pick on this particular politician, but to illustrate the reality that sex before marriage, even for many Christians, has lost any sense of stigma. Watch almost any television show or any movie that involves dating or romance, and you will find that sexual activity between non-married persons is completely normal and utterly pervasive. Christians may still get upset when the culture pushes an LGBTQ agenda, but most of those same Christians won’t even notice when popular songs, shows, videos, or movies routinely show, describe, or assume sex before marriage. If worldliness is whatever makes sin look normal and righteousness look strange (to paraphrase David Wells), then the routine acceptance of sex before marriage is one of the clearest signs of worldliness in our age.

Is It Wrong?

The title of this piece asks, “Is it wrong to have sex before marriage?” so let me start by showing from the Bible that such behavior is clearly a sin. “Fornication” is the (now rarely used word) for sex between two persons who are not married. In traditional terms, adultery has often meant illicit sex once married, and fornication has meant illicit sex outside of marriage. The word “fornication” is used in the King James Version in 1 Corinthians 6:18, but the Greek word there is porneia which includes every kind of illicit sexual activity, from adultery to homosexuality to prostitution to sex before marriage.

The Bible doesn’t dwell on the sin of fornication because such behavior was, in the minds of the biblical authors, clearly and obviously wrong. We see this assumption in several places. According to Exodus 22:16–17, the man who has sex with a non-engaged virgin, should make her his wife, indicating that sexual intercourse is a covenant-forming activity not to be entered into apart from the covenant bonds of marriage. Likewise, according to Deuteronomy 22:13–21, if a woman has sex before marriage, she is put in the same category as a prostitute. The Torah does not allow for sex before marriage.

The New Testament carries forward the same sexual boundaries found in the Old Testament. When Joseph sought to quietly break off his betrothal to pregnant Mary, it is obvious that Joseph considers Mary to have done something wrong and that the whole community will also disapprove of Mary’s behavior (Matt. 1:19). The Bible also considers it important for us to know that Mary really was a virgin (Matt. 1:20; Luke 1:34). Most clearly, the logic of 1 Corinthians 7—that it is better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Cor. 7:9)—only works on the assumption that sexual activity belongs in marriage and not outside of marriage. The strong desire for sexual intimacy should only be fulfilled within the bonds of marriage between a man and woman (1 Cor. 7:36–38). Every other context for sexual intimacy is sin. This means that sexual activity before marriage—which includes sexual intercourse, and by extension, every kind of romantic activity involving one’s sexual parts—is prohibited by God.

Why Is It Wrong?

That fornication is sin should be obvious from even a cursory reading of the Bible. Why fornication is wrong takes a little more thought. As I said earlier, the Bible doesn’t say a whole lot about sex before marriage. We cannot automatically gauge the importance of a matter in the Bible, or the gravity of an offense, merely by counting up the number of verses used to discuss the issue. The sense one gets from reading the Scriptures is that the people of God knew fornication was obviously wrong and so there wasn’t a lot to say except to set forth the consequences of the sin and how to avoid and flee the sin. Nevertheless, if we think a bit broader and deeper, it’s not hard to understand why the Bible puts premarital sex outside the bounds of licit sexual behavior.

Simply put, fornication is a sin because it is inconsistent with the nature of sex, the nature of marriage, and the nature of the family. Marriage is a covenant bond between a man and woman (Mal. 2:14), a covenantal bond sealed by the one flesh union of sexual intimacy (Gen. 2:24). In his book Marriage as Covenant, pastor and biblical scholar Gordon Hugenberger argues convincingly that marriage during the Old Testament period was typically formed by the swearing of a solemn oath (verba solemnia) and then ratified by the oath-sign of sexual intercourse. The two elements were meant to go together, with the public promise preceding the private ratification. As Hugenberger puts it, “because of the necessarily private, though no less binding, nature of sexual union as an oath-sign, the complementary verba solemnia were especially appropriate as they offer essential public evidence of the solemnization of a marriage” (p. 216). When couples have sex before marriage, they are engaging in private activity whose purpose is to consummate a public promise. Without the latter, the former is an endeavor to enjoy the benefits of the covenant without formally entering into the covenant.

We should not overlook the language of “one flesh” in Genesis 2:24. On one level, it can be argued that the language of “one flesh” means sexual intimacy should not take place unless the couple is ready to commit to “oneness” in every other area of the relationship. Sex is the final and most intimate of relational bonds, and it should not be entered into unless the couple has promised to be bound together for life. That is a fair inference from the language of “one flesh.”

At the same time, the more direct referent is not to the oneness of relational intimacy but to the oneness of biological function. The reason that same-sex unions do not constitute marriage is the same reason that couples do not commit fornication by merely holding hands or hugging. “One flesh” does not refer to any kind of activity that physically connects one person to another. A man and a woman become “one flesh” in sexual intercourse because their individual bodies come together for a singular biological purpose. Marriage is that sort of union which, if all the plumbing is working correctly and takes place at the opportune time, produces children. This doesn’t mean every act of sex must produce children, but it does mean that when we engage in sexual activity, we are opening ourselves up to the gift of children. The promises made in marriage matter not just for the bride and groom. The promises matter for the sake of the children that they hope to produce and for the sake of the wider community that benefits when children are born in wedlock and raised by their two biological parents.

Sex before marriage undermines all this. Fornication only “works” if sex can be divorced from the promises that constitute a marriage, divorced from the public dimension of marriage, and divorced from the children that normally come from marriage and flourish most in the context of marriage. The Bible clearly and explicitly says that premarital sex is wrong. The Bible just as clearly, if more implicitly, teaches that premarital sex is personally selfish and publicly subversive of the goods that marriage is meant to promote and protect.

What If I’ve Already Committed this Wrong?

I would be remiss if I didn’t offer a word of hope for those who already know that premarital sex is wrong and feel terrible that they’ve committed this sin. Fornication is not the unforgivable sin, neither does it consign a person to a life of second-class spiritual citizenship. Think of the second chance given to the prostitute Gomer in the book of Hosea. Think of the sexual sinners in the genealogy of Jesus. Think about the women who were sexual sinners who encountered God’s grace in Jesus. Most importantly, think of the cross where all our sins can be washed whiter than snow. Let us walk in the light as God is in the light (1 John 1:7). It’s true, sex before marriage is a sin, but if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

Kevin DeYoung, From Clearly Reformed 

 

Lording it Over your Circumstances

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I have one possible, but powerful cure for what ails you today. What most troubles you? Well, you do! We fear our fears. We worry about our worries. We are anxious about our anxieties.  And so, the monster feeds itself. We limp through our days wounded and walking in egg shells often of our own design. When we rest our minds on our fears and worries we give them life and strength and power. Yet, Paul exhorts us “The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything.” Phil 4:5-6

It can’t be that easy, can it?  My worries and fears are great, towering clouds that block out any light!  I cannot see beyond my fear. When worry triumphs and terrorizes, what does it matter the the Lord is near? 

Well, I think that I know what the deeper problem is. Your fears are too great and your Lord is too small. A big worry makes a small Lord. But, a big Lord makes your fear shrivel.  Now, do not misunderstand. I am not belittling your anxieties. No. Wait. Yes I am – I am belittling them – in comparison with the Lord Jesus Christ.

The Lord is near. Where is the comfort in that you ask? The one who has conquered sin and death has also given the antidote to fear and worry. The one who has all power in heaven and earth is your elder brother and friend. Omnipotence is in his hands. Jesus, who has loved you from before the foundation of the world, will hold your hand into eternity future where you will see him face to face; this is the Lord that is near. This is our worry-crushing Lord. He has your troubles and your tomorrows in his gracious hands. All will be well.

“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows” (Luke 12:6-7). Rest your mind on the living, triumphant, reigning Lord of Glory and your anxieties may dissolve like mist. You are not enslaved in circumstance’s capricious hands, but set free by the nail scared hands of your savior.  Fear not, for the Lord is at hand.

Remember Who You Are!!

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Have you heard of those who suffer from temporary amnesia? Due to some trauma they have forgotten who they are. They have lost their identity. They also do not know where they fit, nor what to do. They have forgotten their family, their job, their joys – everything. They wander around aimless, asking who they are? 

This is in essence the modern dilemma. We do not know who were are, why we are here, where we fit. So, we grasp for some comforting identity, some meaningful purpose. 

What is mankind? What is our true identity? What were we created for? What is our purpose?  We are made in the image and likeness of God. To know him, reflect and enjoy his greatness and glory – we are made to like Him, and to be like him. 

Yet, instead of imaging him, we, in our amnesia, are trying to make God in our own image. We call the shots and make the rules. God must answer to us and submit to our sense of right and wrong, to our definition of meaning and identity. We end up attacking the image of God that is in us. We are fighting against ourselves, and our created purpose. 

We are fighting against our own biology, the way we are fashioned. God has already set the rules, the purpose and direction of life.  We can fight against it, but we can never win.

There is great rest and peace in knowing who we are created to be. Sin has given us delusions of grandeur. But God has created us in real grandeur.  

Psalm 8 proclaims, “what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet … O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!”

Do you know who you are? God does. He created you, in his own image, to know and delight in him and his creation. Wake up to your created glory! Remember who you are; and known true rest and peace.

Is Change Possible?

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What is wrong with the world? And, What is your problem? Isaiah 53:6 gives us the proper diagnosis and the only cure. “All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.”

We all, and he does mean all, have gone astray. Astray from what? From our created purpose. From our divine directives. From the good, the right and the perfect. Ok, fine. I have made some mistakes – everyone has. It is not that big a deal. I will improve. I will take steps to correct my wandering.  Really?

We are all like sheep. Sheep wander – and they wander by nature. Our problem is not only skin deep, it goes to the bone. It is not merely our decisions that need to change, but our very nature. We sin because we are sinners. We wander due to our fallen nature. Our self diagnosis and attempts at applying our own cure do not go deep enough. They treat the symptoms but not the disease. “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks” (Mathew 12:34). We sin by nature. Our hearts need to change.

But, ‘the heart wants what the heart wants.’ I have attempted to change my heart many times and failed. A leopard cannot change his spots. (See Jeremiah 13:23). That is the problem with me and it is the problem with the world. We have a sinful nature.

Well, what its he solution? Is there a solution? Thanks be to God, yes! There is a cure. “The LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all” (Isaiah 53:6). It is the blood of Christ that both forgives our sin and delivers us from its power. The free grace of God is our only hope; but it is a sure and certain hope. There is a guarantee of new life in Christ for all who will come to him. He gives us a new heart and a new nature. Jesus calls to us all, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep” (John 10:10-11).  “All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out (John 6:37). So, come to Jesus and lay that burden down – and, change the world!

God’s Benediction: Grace to You

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What is the benediction? Why does the pastor raise his hands? How should I receive the benediction?

A benediction is a blessing from God. Benediction comes from two words bene, which means ‘good,’ and dicere, which means ‘to speak.’ It is the good speech, or the blessing. 

The benediction is not a prayer. A prayer is our speaking to God and asking for a blessing. A benediction is the actual pronouncement of blessing in God’s name.

A benediction is not an ascription of praise to God or Christ. Many, wrongly, praise God thinking it is a benediction. They are aiming in the wrong direction. A benediction conveys the blessing of God, from God. What is the blessing of God? It is the grace of God – not promised, not merely prayed for, but actually conveyed to us.

Since the blessing comes from God it is conveyed by one who has been set apart to speak for God. It is a function of ordination.

Why does the pastor raise his hands for the benediction?  The OT priests did, Leviticus 9:22, “Then Aaron lifted up his hands toward the people and blessed them.” Jesus raised his hand in the Ascension, Luke 24:50, “And (Jesus) led them out as far as Bethany, and lifting up his hands he blessed them.”  So the minister lifts his hands to pronounce and convey the blessing in the name of Jesus.

How should we receive the benediction? The blessing is given regardless of your physical posture. But, many fix their eyes on the hands that convey the blessing and lift their hands to receive grace acknowledging their dependence on God.

“This is God’s final word to us in the covenant assembly of worship: those who belong to him are not under his judgment, but under his grace. They are not objects of his wrath, but the objects of his love. The benediction is his holy announcement that we are sealed with his name and our whole life is covered by his grace.”

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your Spirit. Amen.

Receiving Grace from Grace Healed Hands

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Oh how I love this short testimony from the Apostle Paul. It speaks of the confidence and humility that ought to characterize ministers of the Gospel. Truth and grace are both continually evident in their words, actions, and in all of their lives – because they too need the gospel. Truth and grace must together shine in him.

“The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.” – 1 Timothy 1:15-16

Paul is convinced beyond all doubt that Jesus saves sinners, even the greatest of sinners. Why? Because Paul, the foremost sinner, has received mercy. Therefore, no one has sinned too much to be forgiven by the grace of God.  Notice the great humility of Paul – he is the foremost sinner! Ministers ought to get the gospel like this and walk in all humility before ‘lesser’ sinners.

I sometimes tell sin-shamed people when I begin to counsel them that I am the greatest sinner in the room. That is not a technique, it is the truth. I need the grace that I am ministering to others. In fact, Paul Tripp says, “Your desire and enthusiasm to minister God’s grace to others is directly related to how much you think you need that same grace yourself.” Once you have been to the well of grace and tasted its sweet refreshment, you can draw water for others – and are eager to do so.

Christians are healed by the grace that they offer to others. But notice also this. Paul, as the foremost sinner, is an encouragement to all other sinners to come and find rest and peace in Jesus Christ.  Why? Because he was the foremost sinner! He is an example to all who would draw from the wells of salvation – God will receive you, accept you, cleanse you. It is all of grace, and it is free even to the worst of sinners.

What a comforting message! And it is a message that you can believe because it is true. And it is easier to believe when this grace is ministered to you by broken hands now healed by the same gospel message.

Come, I have found the Messiah! The one with perfect patience. Let me introduce you to the fountain of grace and divine favor. He will not turn you away.

Reaching the Post-Christian Mind

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Why does the old form of evangelism no longer work? Repent and believe in Jesus, God’s Son, our savior, who takes away the sin of the world. He lived and died in your place – accomplishing salvation. He will forgive you, restore you, and grant you the right to eternal life through faith.

This appeal has an appeal if you assume:
1) God created the world,
2) We live in a a moral universe and we all answer to God,
3) There is more to life than this life,
4) We need God’s revelation to understand life,
5) We need something outside of ourselves to validate our lives.
But, the forces of secularism have denied these truths and convinced our culture of another set of ultimate presuppositions – empty and unsatisfying as they are.

1) Time plus chance plus nothing has created our world, not God. There is no spirit, or spiritual world. The material world, the cosmos, is all there was, all there is, and all there ever will be.
2) There are no transcendent morals, no right and wrong outside of ourselves. We make up our own morality. Therefore we answer to one one. Morals, if there is such a thing, are based on evolutionary biology or they are culturally constructed.
3) This life is all that there is. There is no afterlife or spiritual realm and therefore nothing to worry about regarding sin. Unfortunately, this also means that there is no meaning, purpose, or justice in life. Pretty depressing.
4) We have reason and we don’t need revelation. The human mind can unlock the mysteries of the universe (yes, but where do these mysteries come from and why do they have an order and structure that can be discovered? but I digress). Our mind is all that matters. Reason is our new god, little g.
5) We do not need God, we validate ourselves. We form our own identity regardless of how we were created. The modern self is a self-authenticating person. Freedom is not returning to our created purpose, it is doing whatever I want as long as I do not hurt anyone else.

The old gospel does not make sense to this post-modern mind.

So what can we do? We can tell the emperor that he has no clothes. His view of the world does not work, it does not fit with the world as it really is.

Time plus chance cannot create anything. Have you tried?

Without transcendent morals, the 51% majority rules – and that quickly descends into a might makes right, winner take all oppressive tyranny. If you deny a God that you know exists, any true morality and satisfying meaning leave with him.

Without God, there is no justice. Without a judgment in the afterlife the great evils of this world will stand forever.

Reason alone cannot answer the mysteries of life nor satisfy the philosophical questions of our hearts. Reason, like a sugary birthday cake, gives a temporary high but is nutritionally disappointing. It cannot answer our deepest questions about life nor quench our thirst for satisfying answers.

Self-validation has lead to purposeless life, societal confusion and exploding rates of suicide. If there is nothing beyond myself, then what is the point?

Our new gospel most uncover the nakedness of postmodern thought. The emperor has no clothes. He is denying what Francis Schaeffer called, “The Mannishness of Man” and I would add, life as it really is on God’s world. Their square peg thinking does not fit with God’s round hole universe. We need to critically deconstruct their thinking and then reconstruct their ultimate presuppositions along truer, more satisfying, and clearly Biblical lines.

So, we need a new form of evangelism. A new point of contact with the empty concepts of our changing culture. We need to speak the old gospel in a way that the post modern, post Christian mind can understand. The emperor has a fine new invisible frock. He does not need the righteousness of Christ. We need to convince him that he does.

Signals of Transcendence

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To stop and smell the roses can be frightening thing – that is why we do it so infrequently. We often think of that phrase, ‘Stop and smell the roses’, as a call to forsake the busy rat race for a quick time of sweet rest and refreshment among the treasures of nature.  Pause, relax, let the stress drain away while you watch the waves or stare at a mountain peak.

So, how can that be a frightening thing? Because, to ‘stop and smell the roses’ can be a ‘signal of transcendence.’  Peter Berger coined the phrase to means hints and clues in life that awaken us to unseen realities. Os Guinness has a new book out by that title where he shares how ten people came to understand that there must be more to life.

Peter Berger described these hints and clues as “signals of transcendence” that awaken us to unseen realities.  Have you ever experienced a “there must be more to life” or a “signal of transcendence?”  Some thought that so stunned you as to change your perspective on life radically? It could be a deep disappointment, or a frustrated desire, or the scent a flower, or a death, or a sermon?  Anything can be a signal of transcendence calling you to reevaluate your assumptions in life.

You might think that I am talking about conversion, and that is in the mix, and it is often the end of a journey that begins with a ‘signal of transcendence.’

There must be more to life. Let me give you a taste of this from my own experience.  When, as a teenager, death stuck my extended family twice, I thought, there must be more to life.  When I learned about Corrie Ten Boom who survived the Nazi death camps, but her sister did not, forgave a guard from that camp.  When I went to L’arbi in Switzerland and knew the tangible presence of the Holy Spirit, when I was called to be ministry during a sermon, when I was called by God to my first church, when my children and grandchildren were born.  God can use any experience to awaken us to profound, and neglected spiritual realities.

The essential thing is to listen when God speaks in this way.  Heed the still small voice. Follow up on the signal. Don’t forget how the rose smells.  It may change your life. 

Building Community in your Local Church

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The Christian life is meant to be lived in community. We are encouraged, challenged, and sanctified through relationships with other believers. But many Christians feel isolated and unsure about how to connect with others…Perhaps you’re surrounded by people who seem to be in a different life stage, and it feels like you can’t fit into the community around you.

Whatever your circumstances, here are seven suggestions for finding community:

1. Join a church

This may seem obvious, but joining and investing in a church is foundational to building Christian community. I’ve often heard young adults lament the lack of community they have post-college while fondly reminiscing about their experience with a campus ministry. A common thread seems to be either they have not joined a church since college, or they are not invested in the church they have joined. Churches are the primary way Christian community is organized. Find a Bible-believing church in your city with pastors who faithfully preach the Word and join it. Then invest in it. The remainder of this list provides ideas for how to do that.

2. Invite people over for dinner (in every season of life)

We have found that one of the best ways to get to know people is to invite them into our home and share a meal (or even just a dessert) together. Food is a fairly universal way to bond. While everyone may not be interested in joining you for a hike or going to a concert, everyone has to eat and most people enjoy doing it with others.

Being married is not a requirement for this type of hospitality. We have a friend who as a single man regularly invited other single people, couples, and families into his home for meals. His intentionality about pursing relationship built him many lasting friendships. It also helped him find his wonderful wife. Now they regularly invite others into their home together.

You can also volunteer to take a meal to someone else’s home if you have more flexibility than they do. We have some friends who as a married couple without children often asked families with children if they could bring pizza over for dinner so that everyone could more easily enjoy the fellowship. No one ever turned them down!

3. Serve

While many churches have paid staff, the various ministries of the church largely function by members volunteering their time and energy. Most ministries involve serving with other members and provide a great way to build relationships. Serving in the nursery is a prime example. Nothing bonds people like cleaning up an exploding diaper or trying to wrangle a herd of 2-year-olds and their Cheerios around a table for snack time. Not to mention, caring for people’s children to allow them to worship in peace will make them instantly predisposed to like you! If children just aren’t your forte, there are plenty of other ways to serve. Sign up to take a meal to a family in need. Become a greeter. Join the worship team. Whatever your interests or gifts, there is somewhere for you to serve the church.

4. Introduce yourself to new people you see at church

As you seek to build community, set yourself up for success. Seek out others who are likely looking for community too. People who are new to a church usually fit this category. When you notice visitors, go up to them after the service and introduce yourself. Be bold and ask if they have lunch plans. If they aren’t available that day, try to set something up for a future date.

Right after graduating from college, my husband and I moved to a suburb of Philadelphia. The first Sunday we visited a church, a man introduced himself to us after the service. He told us a bit about his family and the church, and then invited us over for dinner that week. We went to dinner, met his wife and daughter, and formed a friendship that lasts to this day even though we moved away from that town years ago. If you are blessed to receive this kind of invitation, be sure to accept!

If your church is somewhat large, it may not always be clear to you who is new. Our associate pastor wisely recommends asking the question, “How long have you been coming to _______ church?” rather than “Is this your first time visiting?” When following his model, I have gotten answers ranging from “this is my first Sunday” to “we’ve been members for about five years.” This approach has saved me some embarrassment and made for much more successful conversations.

5. Join a small group

Most churches now have some form of small groups that meet throughout the week. Whether they are called community groups, life groups, covenant groups, or just small groups, they are usually a fantastic way to build relationships with other believers. Though each church may have its own spin on how they work, the general idea is a small group of believers getting together in someone’s home to study Scripture and pray together. The common interest in studying the Word and growing in the Lord provides a wonderful foundation for developing meaningful personal relationships with other members of your church.

6. Follow up on prayer requests

When you are made aware of a prayer request, whether someone shares it with you individually, you hear it during small group, or it is shared in a corporate setting, follow up on it in two ways. First, pray for the request. Praying for others causes us to care for them, to become invested in their lives, and to exercise faith on their behalf. Second, check in with the person to see how it turned out. For example, if someone in your small group asks you to pray for an upcoming family gathering or work meeting that they are anxious about, make note of when the event will take place (put a reminder in your phone or write it on your calendar) and make a point to ask the person afterwards how it went. They will appreciate your concern and likely want to reciprocate by praying for you. What better way to begin a friendship with someone than praying for one another!

7. Go to Sunday school

Not all churches offer Sunday school, but if yours does, take advantage of it. Some churches organize Sunday school by ages or life stages, others by topics. Either way, it is a good opportunity to meet people in a small, informal setting. Sunday school classes will likely put you in contact with people who are not in your small group and allow you to broaden your connections within the church. And even if you don’t meet your best friend in Sunday school, we can all benefit from additional time studying the Word.

The list above is merely a list of suggestions. It’s helpful to add in a large dose of patience and grace. Building community takes time, so be gracious to yourself and others. These ideas may not work in all contexts, but the main idea is that building community is an active pursuit. Be creative. The Lord is building his church everywhere. Find out where his people gather in your area and get involved. The blessing of community is worth the effort.

Winfree Brisley

Fully Known and Truly Loved

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Does anyone really know you? Does anyone really love you?  We are all created in the image and likeness of God in order to commune with God: to enter a relationship with him, to know and love God. We are made to know, love, and enjoy fellowship with God and with others made in His image. But, sin has really messed us up. Now, we have lost fellowship with God, and we fear to be known, but still long to be loved.

Does anyone really know you? Does anyone really love you? Now, the safest course is to hide ourselves and stoically refuse to acknowledge our need for loving fellowship. You cannot love is you do not play the game. But, nothing ventured, nothing gained.  Those who are neither known nor loved tend to be sad, shriveled shells of broken humanity.

As a safer compromise, we will settle for being loved but not truly known. We will receive the love and attention that we crave, but it is not really “me” who is being loved. They are loving a sanitized image, a filtered projection of a self that is not really me. We fear that if we are really known we will not be really loved.

But our greatest fear is to be fully known, and not loved.  This, we think, is what ought to happen to us. We are broken, confused, rebellious people.  We don’t love people like that, why should others love me when I am like that. If they really knew me, they were reject me.

Our greatest need, our deepest longing, our highest joy is to be fully known and still sincerely loved. To be loved, warts and all. We are often seeking this relationship with others, but slowly, carefully. We receive initial indications of love, or at least potential love from another. Then, we risk unveiling a little more of ourselves and wait for the results. If all goes well, we reveal a little more, then a little more. Until finally, we reveal the dark stuff, the sinful and broken parts of who we are.  If they love us at that point, well, we have arrived.

God knows you. He knows everything about you. You cannot hide anything from God. And, in the Gospel, the good news, he tells us that he loves us. God can love even enemies and rebels.

God knows you  and still loves you. Will you rest in that love? Or will you continue to hide yourself and ignore your warts? Someone really loves you, the real you.  Through faith you can find shelter in the gracious love of God.  “Come to me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”